Torrentclan Challenge! Many Forms of Comfort
by Shadowdapple of Thunderclan
Summary: Comfort comes in all shapes and sizes. Whether it be a mother licking a sore paw or a shoulder to cry on. Minnowtail has done a deed that she can't forgive. Can she find the comfort she needs to forgive herself and return home? Rated T for safety
1. Unforgivable

I stared at her frozen body, tears tracking down my face. Her fur was tattered and a look of shock and disbelief forever etched into her black face. I leaned over and closed her eyes with my tail. I can't believe I killed her. My own best friend. "I'm sorry, Starnight." I pressed my nose to her body and licked her cheek. "Forgive me, because I can't forgive myself." I turned and ran away from her body. Thunderclan will find her soon. I stopped by the lake and crumbled down on the shore. The water washed over me over and over and over. "Starnight? Where are you?" "Bramblestar! I've found her. She's dead!" I buried my face between my paws in a moment of grief as I listened to them. "I'm sorry, Raccoonfur." "She had kits for crying out loud!" "I know." "Wait, Whitewing, I smell Riverclan." A feminine voice rang out softly among the trees. "Do you think one of them killed her?" "I don't know." "Well, let's find out where the trail leads." The thundering of paw steps snapped me to my paws. I can't let them find me! I turned tail and fled along the shoreline heading for unknown territory past Windclan.

A small bundle of fur shot out from Riverclan's border. "Minnowtail! Where are you going?" I looked back at my little brother. "I killed someone, Foxpaw. You need to stay away from me. I love you" I leaned in and licked his head before pelting away from him. "Wait! Will I ever see you again?" I didn't answer but kept propelling my legs forward. He doesn't need to be blamed for what I've done. It's better if I stay away from the clans and let them think I died. Foxpaw managed to catch up to me. "If you killed someone then why are you running?" I spun to a stop and glared deep into his eyes. "Because the cat I killed was Starnight, a Thunderclan queen. My best friend. A mother." Foxpaw took a step back and I winced slightly before remembering that this is what I wanted. "Wh-What?" I sighed and paced away from the clan territories and Foxpaw followed. "I murdered someone. I don't even know why I did it. She was my best friend since our first gathering. I'm a killer, Foxpaw. I killed a mother just like someone killed ours. I don't want you to take the fall for me. So don't tell them anything about me. Do you understand?" He nodded, tears tracking down his russet cheeks. I leaned in and nuzzled him one more time. "I will always love you, Foxpaw, but this is something I have to do on my own." I picked him up by the scruff of his neck and placed him back in our-his territory. "Stay, little brother." I turned and streaked off. My tail was the last thing to be seen by any cat watching as I disappeared over the hill.

I stared forlornly back towards the Riverclan camp as the sun touched the sky. I looked up at Silverpelt and stared at the last warriors. Starnight if you are up there, please forgive me and show me what I did. I don't remember! I turned away from the crest I was standing on and walked further into rouge territory. It has been about three weeks since I left. I still can't forget how I murdered my friend nor can I forgive myself. I would be better off dead. The clans would be searching for me. No doubt they all thought I was the murderer. I can't blame them. I was. I just hoped I could forgive myself before I did anything. My stomach grumbled and I sighed. I haven't been able to find a stream to fish in nor have I been able to catch anything worth eating since I left. "Hey, you." I twisted my head around to see a white and brown she-cat looking at me from under a patch of heather. "Who are you and what are you doing on my territory?" I faintly heard mewling in the den she made out of an old Badger's den. She had kits so it was no wonder why she was so edgy. "I'm Minnowtail, I'm from-was from Riverclan. I left because I did something I can't forgive myself.


	2. Talking with Brownie

I glanced at the cat wandering what she was thinking. The she-cat heaved herself to her paws and walked over. "I've done something unforgiving too. Want to talk about it?" I nodded mechanically. "My name is Brownie by the way." She beckoned me to follow her into the den. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw five tiny kits curled in a nest. The brown and white she-cat licked each one tenderly before settling down in her nest. "Tell me what happened." She instructed.

"I was walking along the shoreline because I wanted to meet my friend again. She was a Thunderclan cat and recently had a litter of kits. I can't remember what happened next except me standing over her dead body. I knew that I was the one who did it and I begged her spirit if she could forgive me and fled. I was almost caught by Thunderclan warriors and their leader but I fled the territory. I forced my brother to secrecy and made him stay at home. And now here I am." I finished my story, silent tears dripping down to wet my paws. Brownie reached out and touched me with her tail. "I'm so sorry. I can't ever imagine what it would be like to do that." I nodded. "So, um, what did you do wrong?"

Brownie looked at her paws. "Well you see, I was born to a farm cat family who had too many kits. So my sister, brothers, and I was banned from ever mating and having kits. There was this tom that caught my eye. We started meeting and before too long I found out that I was expecting kits. So I ran away, like you, until I found a den miles away from home. I had my kits here and I will raise them here." She finished and glanced at her babies. I head butted her comfortingly. "What are their names?" I asked. She proudly touched each of their head and rattled off their names. "The black and white one is Storm, the brown one is Feather, the gray and white one is Rabbit, the white one is Snow, and this little one," She nuzzled a small she-kit with gray spots dotting her brown tabby fur. "Is Petal." I mewed congratulations and she beamed with pride.

I stayed with Brownie for the rest of the night and the next day. "Is it alright if I stay here with you for a while, Brownie?" She looked up from licking one of her kits. "Sure." I smiled and laid my head down on my paws and watched the kittens. I wonder if this is how I should feel if I was being forgiven.


	3. Finding peace

I purred as Snow, Petal, and Feather peered around the den curiously. They had opened their eyes just this morning. Snow had blue eyes, Feather had green, and Petal also had blue. Brownie came in with a rabbit for us to share. "Brownie comes quick, three of them have opened their eyes!" My new friend flung the rabbit down and raced over to admire her kits' eyes. "They are so beautiful." She breathed. Storm and Rabbit stirred and they two opened their eyes. I smiled down at the two pairs of eyes. One was golden yellow and the other amber. "Mama, can we go play outside?" Brownie hesitated and I touched her softly with my tail tip. "I'll watch them, Brownie. You rest after hunting all morning to catch us such a huge rabbit." She smiled her thanks and settled down in her nest to take a nap. "Come on kits. How bout I teach ya'll to play moss ball?" The five kits scampered happily after me and into the sunshine.

The kits were about five moons old now. I smiled as Feather and Snow wrestled while their brothers were doing the same. Petal was the only one who didn't really play fight with her siblings. She was the most comfortable with me or her mother. Brownie called them over and I laid in the grass to sun bask while she instructed them on the hunting crouch. It was funny watching them. I can't believe that it has been so long since I did my deed. Brownie has talked to me about how if I keep thinking about it, then Starnight will never be able to rest in peace and I will always harbor it in my heart. She was right about it being healthy to forget. I almost could say that I forgive myself. But I still wonder about whether Starnight will. "Minnowtail!" I looked up to see Petal doing the hunting crouch perfectly. "Good job, Petal! We knew you would be great at something!" The tiny kit purred and pounced on the leaf.


	4. The dream

I walked back to the den after we took the kits hunting for the first time. They are 7 moons old. They need to practice on more than just leaves. The hunting session went fairly well. Each kit caught something worth eating. We all feasted on the good food. I curled up before the others to sleep. Petal followed me in and curled up into a small ball by my side. I purred soothingly toward her and placed my tail over her flank.

My eyes gradually closed and I slipped into a dreamless sleep. Before too long, grass brushed up against my paws and a warm breeze ruffled my fur. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in Starclan's hunting grounds. _What do they_ want from _me? I killed a cat and don't belong here. Am I dead?_ "No, Minnowtail. You are not dead, but I needed to talk to you." I froze at that voice. "Starnight?" I rose to my paws and spun around to see a black, white, and cream speckled cat before me. "Hello, Minnowtail. It's been a while hasn't it?" I swallowed and nodded, trying to hold back the fresh tears. "I'm so sorry!" Starnight raised her tail to silence me and walked forward so we were face to face. "It is I who should be sorry." I blinked confusedly. "Follow me." She ordered as she turned around and vanished into the trees. I ran after her in an effort to catch up. She was sitting next to a puddle and was looking in it. "I sit here every day to see my family, Minnowtail. I also watch you too. I've seen how you've tried to make up for your mistake by helping that loner and her kits. I want to show you what you can't remember that night." She turned to glance at me and beckoned me to look into the puddle.

 _I ran through the trees to our meeting spot by the tunnels. They were blocked now, but it was still a good spot to meet. "Starnight?" My best friend walked out of the bushes creeping low to the ground. "Hello, Minnowtail! How are you?" I purred in greeting. "I'm doing well, Starnight. How's the family?" Her eyes lit up with joy. I've had two kits. Icekit and Fallkit. I'm also fostering Racconfur's kits. He named them Splashkit and Shadowkit. They are beautiful. I think something is wrong with Shadowkit. She has a hard time crawling around the nest." I gave her a sympathetic lick. "They sound wonderful!" She sighed, "They are indeed." We walked a ways from our spot. Starnight began to look troubled. I gently nudged her. "Hey, what's wrong?" She looked up at me. "I have something bad to tell you. You remember how your mother died?" I nodded as the old wound tugged inside me. "Well, I know how she died." I laid down next to her. "Please tell me, Starnight. You know how much this means to me and Foxpaw." The queen nodded. "She died in battle. I was there as an apprentice at the time. She was badly wounded. I fought her trying to drive her away so she could get her wounds treated. Your mother pushed against me. I kept fighting her and eventually, she fell. I tried to call for help because she was bleeding from multiple wounds. The Riverclan medicine cat rushed over and tried to drag her away. "I'm so sorry, Willowshine! I didn't mean too!" Willowshine looked at me. "I'm sure she'll be fine. Now go before You get in trouble." I nodded and backed away. It was later at a gathering that I learned she died. I didn't want to fight her, but she didn't stop. I ended up striking the final blow. I'm so sorry, Minnowtail. I murdered you mother." Starnight bowed her head and I felt anger. Boiling anger build up inside. I lashed out and caught her in the throat. Starnight fell to the ground and whimpered. I pounced on her and thrashed her pelt before biting her neck. Her last words were. "Please forgive me for what I did to you for so many years."_

I pulled back from the memory. Raising my amber eyes to Starnight's green ones. "You killed my mother and held the guilt of it for moons. I killed you in anger and I lived with the guilt of it for moons. I'm so sorry, Starnight! I was just so angry that the murderer who killed my mother was right there in front of me and was my best friend. I didn't realize what I'd done until after I did it. Please forgive me!" I wailed burying my face in between my paws. Starnight licked my head soothingly. "Oh, Minnowtail. I forgave you the moment you ripped my throat. I should be the one who is sorry. I caused you so much misery and pain that finally found a way out." I pressed my head against her legs. Mumbling I murmured, "I forgive you, Starnight. I never did blame you for what happened. I just blamed myself." I raised myself to my paws and looked into her eyes. "I've missed you, Starnight." She dipped her head. "I've missed you too." Briskly she shook out her pelt. "It's time for you to return home. Tell the clans what happened and I will always be with you. I will visit each medicine cat to let them know that you are indeed innocent. You weren't in the right mind when you did it. Don't be afraid of their anger. They will still have to punish you for what you did, but it may be a bit more lenient." I nodded my head. "I'll return for you, Starnight." I sank to my paws and curled up. Starnight licked my head softly and I went back to sleep.

Once I awoke, I went to Brownie. "Brownie, it is time for me to return to my clan. I don't know if I'll be back or not. I had a dream and Starnight visited me. I remembered what happened that night and she told me that she already forgave me. I just had to forgive myself. Thank you for everything you've done." Brownie looked at me sadly but accepted the fact that I can't stay here forever. "I hope Starclan lights your path, Minnowtail. Always know that you have a home here." I leaned forward and licked her head. As I was walking out of the den, Petal, Storm, Feather, Snow, and Rabbit all ran up to me. "Where are you going, Minnowtail. Are you leaving us? I thought you were happy here? Please don't go!" I turned and nuzzled each kit on the head. "My dears, know that I will always love you as if you were my own. But I have to go back to my real home. There is something I have to do there. Don't worry, I will always be with you. One day, maybe we'll see each other in Starclan." I left them to head back and meet my fate. I didn't feel scared but comforted. I had found what I really needed. It wasn't to leave others behind but to redeem myself. Starnight forgave me and that is all I need.

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 **Okay, so anyone want to guess what will happen to Minnowtial? This is the last chapter, so you can guess all you want and I might tell you whether you are right or not. ;)**


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